bismillah,

lately, so many of my close friends and relatives were tested by Allah.


me: but she tells everyone about it ummi, how strong of her.
ummi: sometimes that is how people grief. they have to talk to people about it, so they tell everyone. however *** is diff, she can never talk about THE topic.
me: i can never talk about it either.
ummi: oh for me i have to.


after almost a year of clashes, and tension, only now i understand what caused it. ummi had to let it out, therefore that was the only thing she talked about when she talks to me. as for me, i cannot talk about it at all.

ummi continued talking about it, and i continuously wasn't able to withstand the pressure. until at one point a friend who got to know about it (she was the first person to know because i broke down in front of her post-talking to ummi) forbade me from calling home during final exams period.

it was that bad. and only now i understand the simple logic behind it. Allahu Akbar.

so many things to write about, but lack of motivation. sorry dear blog.