Source:
OnIslam
Her hands still show faint remnants of the intricate patterns of henna applied on the day of her
nikah.
Their bedroom still emanates a whiff of fragrance of wilting roses still majestic in their ‘faded glory’.
The customary blushes, shyness, nervousness and social awkwardness still mark their nouveau relationship.
The initial days and nights after a wedding are a blur of activity
for a newly married couple, as they respond to invitations by close
family and friends to dinner parties, lunches and other social
get-togethers with culturally resplendent bridal splendor.
As the newly married husband and wife get sucked into the whirlpool
of wedding-related activities, alternating between intimate nocturnal
moments and frenzied daytime decking up and dining, it is easy to slip
into heedlessness of God and laid-backness regarding acts of worship.
There are a few things that the new bride and groom can do in order
to prevent their marriage from creating a distance between them and God
on an individual level. The answer lies in ‘joining forces’ to become
each other’s pillar of support in staying closely connected to God
during this blissful and blessed milestone of their young lives.
Praying Together
Late night dinners and frequent intimacy should not become an excuse
to miss prayers, especially the pre-dawn Fajr prayer. The bride and
groom should use their cell phones to put alarms for prayers that are
spaced out in time, so that if one of them shuts off their alarm, rolls
over and promptly goes back to sleep, the subsequent alarm set by the
other spouse can wake them both up. It should be a priority for them
that no prayer is ever missed when they are in each other’s company.
Many a young man who used to sleeping through Fajr during single
life, has been known to reform as soon as he married a righteous, whose
wife starts waking him up for Fajr when she gets up to pray herself.
It is for this reason that Prophet Muhammad has wisely and emphatically given the advice below to all single Muslim men:
“A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her
beauty, or for her religion. Choose the religious one, may your hands
be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Ibn Majah)
Daily Reviewing the Quran Together
A few minutes per day should be set aside by the newlywed couple to
review the Quran together, preferably early in the morning, before the
day’s flurry of activities begin.
In order to help themselves remember to connect to the Quran every
day, the husband and wife should recall how, innumerable times in the
past when they were single, they used to pray with extra
khushu’ (concentration),
and recite the Quran with extra concentration, in order to earnestly
supplicate to God afterwards for a righteous spouse; for the
halal means of satisfying their biological urges; for completing half of their faith.
They should recall the many hours they spent fantasizing about what
their future spouse would be like, and what kind of romantic dates
they’d go on with them to fully enjoy married life.
Now that all those dreams are coming true, with romantic walks on
sun-kissed beaches and cozy dinners at quaint restaurants, the bride and
groom should try to consistently remember and thank God for granting
them what they asked Him for in their dua’.
And, as a means of thanking Him, they should try to study the Quran
together on a daily basis, reviewing the Arabic recitation, translation,
and short exegesis of a few verses. One of them can start this review
with recitation and
tajweed, after which they can take turns in
reading from the meanings of the text, gleaning practical lessons for
their lives from those verses.
In this way, God will purify and bless the love that they have for
each other, by transforming it into the selfless love that is purely for
the sake of Allah.
Observing the Islamic Etiquette of Intimacy
A brother once attended a wedding at the masjid that was convened on a Friday after Jumu’ah prayers. In the
khutbah,
the imam exhorted the importance of a bride and groom never missing an
obligatory prayer due to physical intimacy/conjugal relations.
He also claimed that when a husband and wife allow an obligatory
prayer to be missed due to lovemaking, and if this intimacy results in a
pregnancy, then the child that is born is disobedient and unrighteous.
The newly married husband and wife should take utmost care in
following the Islamic etiquette of sexual intimacy i.e. starting with
the prophetic supplication, and culminating with a timely
ghusl (avoiding
dozing off in a state of sexual impurity). They should also beware of
straying into deviant forms of sexual satisfaction that would disgust
any one possessing a sound mind and pure heart, such as those that
humiliate or cause pain to one or both of the spouses.
When their physical, sexual relationship will commence on the right
footing, i.e. including the remembrance of God and following the model
of the
sunnah (way) of Prophet Muhammad, the blessings of these
conjugal relations will be felt and reaped by the couple in all the
other areas of their marital life as well, for years to come,
insha’Allah.
Attending Islamic Lectures and Workshops
Once they are married and a bit more settled into routine life,
returning to their job or going back to classes at school, the newlyweds
seize opportunities to spend leisurely time together in doing
interesting, outgoing things, especially on weekends and public
holidays.
In order to mix the pleasure of God with permissible entertainment
and recreation, newlywed couples can attend Islamic lectures and
workshops together.
If these workshops or lectures are in another city or state, the
travel involved can bring a welcome breather from routine life, allowing
them to sightsee and explore new places, in addition to gaining more
knowledge of Islam, and making new friends in the path of God.
One of the best ways to listen to Quran recitation and beneficial
lectures is to play CD’s and tapes of the same in the car when out and
about, especially on longer rides and road trips.
I have personally seen the immense benefits of listening to
beneficial tapes in the car over the years, and the best part is that
this kind of learning takes no extra effort. Eventually, when the babies
come along, it will amaze the parents to witness how quickly they start
memorizing and retaining the Quran, only because they heard it being
played repeatedly in the car whenever they went out!
Thankfully, the beauty of undertaking Islamic activities with one’s
spouse as a form of leisure, is that there is great benefit and
blessings in “mixing business with pleasure”!
Remembering God in the Natural Outdoors
Whether it is attending late-night cocktail parties at clubs, bars or
elitist hotels with other couples, watching adult-themed films at home
in bed, or hitting the theaters to catch the trending blockbusters,
newlyweds sometime end up committing sins together in the name of
romance, enjoyment and leisurely entertainment. They allow themselves to
become heedless of God and the limits of Islam whilst blissfully riding
the wave of youthful euphoria and gushy romance following their
marriage.
The fact is that there are many alternative options for having fun with your spouse the
halal way. Even better are those modes of enjoyment that combine the worship and remembrance of God with leisure and relaxation.
It would not just be more enjoyable to go picnicking, hiking,
bicycling, kayaking, snorkeling, camping, or sailing – taking in the
lovely, sprawling natural outdoors – but such outings will also
rejuvenate the couple’s faith in God by allowing them to gaze at and
admire the natural beauty that He has spread out through the earth.
When the time for prayer comes during these outdoor trysts, the
adventuring couple can enjoy praying on grassy hills, lakesides, or
tree-lined forest trails, surrounded by scenic beauty. Praying outdoors
like this is truly one of life’s most beautiful experiences!
Touristy Trysts
Other alternative recreation that can enable young newlyweds to have
some fun, includes amusement parks, which provide almost child-like
excitement and thrills, and trips to educational museums and parks.
Going to such places is a healthier alternative to wasting time, energy,
money and bodily strength on modes of entertainment that incur the
wrath of God instead of His pleasure.
If the couple can afford it, they can combine their vacation or
honeymoon with an ‘umrah in order to incorporate the worship of God and
an uplift of faith into their leisurely travels, as a gesture of
thanking God for marrying them to each other, and granting them the
blessings of marital bliss that ignite hopes for a bright and prosperous
future ahead in life.
Conclusion: Bonding Through the Love of God
The newlywed phase lasts no more than a few months or a year or two,
in which life is slow in pace and blissfully idyllic for a couple that
is happily married and in love. As the bride experiments in the kitchen,
the groom tries to squeeze in as much private time as he can with her
after work hours and other commitments.
During the newlywed phase, the husband and wife should focus not just
on bonding with each other, but also on sealing their relationship with
the blessing of God’s pleasure, by becoming each other’s pillar of
support in faith.
They will then come together, with God’s help, as a dynamic duo so
strong in faith, that Satan and his army will not be able to come near
them or their future generations,
insha’Allah.
